Honestly, I thought I would be able to post here more often and mark all milestones, register my feelings, thoughts, worries. In real life, everything was happening too fast and not always the way I planned or imagined. As much as I love my boy, he is such a handful... He is very active, restless, adventurous and in a constant exploring mood. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's bad, I am just saying that it's challenging for me as a parent. He doesn't sit in one spot for longer than 5 minutes, he doesn't play much with his toys, he can't stand reading a book if there is a lot of words involved. He knows what he wants and compromising is not his strong side (even though I feel like it's applicable to all toddlers). He has a very strong personality. And I kind of get scared when I think of him growing and getting even stronger in all ways. But I guess it's great that he is so persistent, stubborn and independent. It will be easier for him to take more from life and be successful. What I am trying to say though is that this boy doesn't leave me much time for myself and my stuff. For the most part of the day I am chasing Sawyer everywhere while constantly entertaining him, since he gets bored easily. I can't use the laptop around him since he starts grabbing the wires and pressing the buttons on the keyboard, and if I don't let him - he cries and pulls on my body parts:) And then I start thinking that I am a terrible mother who is always on her phone or with her laptop/ipad, and my child is bored and neglected with me))) Mama's crazy brain, you know. He takes only 1 nap a day, and I am lucky if it's longer than an hour. Usually I only get a 40 minute break which is only enough for cooking some snack or cleaning the house a bit. In the evening I am usually too tired to read, or type, or move... I just eat, finish daily cleaning routine and spend some time on the couch checking social media and watching an episode or two of some silly TV show. Of course, besides that I go to work at least 3 days a week and do a lot of other stuff aka shopping, meeting up with friends, park walks, family outings. Plus Sawyer is not a great night sleeper either. Lately he got very bothered by night terrors. It looked kind of creepy at first, but now I am used to it. He would wake up crying or screaming and start fussing in bed, rolling around, he can even stand up in his crib, but his eyes would stay closed. He would cry, and cry, and cry... Sometimes it would take almost half an hour to calm him down, usually with a bottle. My boy still eats at least once a night and wakes up in average 1-2 times. His night rest lasts up to 10 hours, sometimes less. And Sawyer is kind of an early bird too. He would wake up anywhere in between 6.30 and 8.30, usually 7.15 or so. Both, me and hubby are night owls, so even 8 o'clock is still early for us. We take turns, take naps when needed, but despite that sometimes I just feel generally exhausted. I honestly don't know how can people have 2 babies one after another. When do they sleep, rest, eat, breathe...? I think we will be taking our boy to daycare soon for 3-4 days a week. I want him mainly to hang out with other kids and learn to communicate. Plus when it gets cold again in Chicago we won't be able to stay outside as much. And my boy just can't handle staying in the house and being bored, neither can I lol
Soybean made his first steps in the middle of July, I have it all registered in his special album. By now he is already running, jumping, climbing, and spinning. He claps his hands, plays games with me, points at his favorite sea animals I have all over the walls in the bathroom. Still no luck with talking though. I don't know if the bilingual situation is making him confused, but I think it's very unlikely. I guess he is just lazy. Generally, boys are not in a hurry when it comes to talking and learning words. I kind of regret at this point that we didn't teach him sign language. At least we could somehow communicate through it. The most frustrating part is that he doesn't say 'mama' at all. He says da-da all the time, and I am not even sure if it means 'daddy'. I understand he might be lazy to learn new words, but I was sure all babies say 'mama' by their 1st birthday. Obviously, not all of them. Makes me feel kind of unimportant. But the wiser part of my brain is convincing me that it's all normal and probably soon enough Sawyer will start mam-ing so much that I would want him to shut up)))
Soybean still loves the dog, they are bananas for each other. It's so cool watching them play and interact. I feel like Balto is happier now too cause he always have someone to play with. Oh, this one thing that is pissing me off - Sawyer hates shopping. Such a man! Doing groceries with him is such a pain. He doesn't wanna sit in hi stroller or the cart, he wants to run around, grab stuff, bang against the walls, and he is always going in the opposite direction to the one we are heading. And oh yes, this part is worth mentioning too - he is so so bad at falling asleep. Usually takes us up to an hour to put him to bed. Even when he is tired, he is just fighting it for hours. When I go for a run in the evening I take him with and he would fall asleep in the stroller most of the times. But usually our bedtime routine involves books, cartoons, white noise, rocking, lullabies, rolling all over the bed. By the time I get him to sleep I am already exhausted lol
And a couple words about his birthday. It was magical. Our family helped us so so much to make it all perfect and enjoyable. Sawyer was very cranky for the first half of the day, but after a short power nap he was almost an angel) We had a pool party with tons of stuff in the yard set up for kids - ball pit, trampoline, swings, rocking horse, cars. I baked 2 beautiful and delicious cakes and we were grilling lots of different meat. It was lovely. I woudn't say stress free, but lovely:)
I kind of felt sad at the doctor's check up yesterday. Sawyer is already a year! For 12 months we've been coming for check ups every 4 weeks or so. For almost a year before that I was bringing my pregnant belly for check ups every months and then every week. And now my doctor told me that we technically don't have to come until our boy is 15 months. And I suddenly realized, that pregnancy-baby period is over. I have a toddler now. I saw a pregnant girl waiting for her appointment at the doctor's office and felt a bit jealous. She is only in the middle of her journey. But my first pregnancy and my first baby are slowly slipping away into the past. I know we have so much more awaiting for us in the future. But that magical holy first experience is already history for us. I wish I enjoyed it more. I wish I realized back then what I've come to know now. Time is making us wiser. I wan to learn to appreciate today, so that I don't miss or regret about it tomorrow when today already became yesterday.
Our magical fall is here. We will be enjoying it, I know. And maybe right now it seems mediocre, but I know that next year my heart will fill with warmth and love as I reminisce about today. Just like my heart races and my head spins now, as I start remembering the birth of our child and his fist days in our world last September.
May love be with you!