I don't know why, but for some reason people keep bad memories and negative experience way longer than positive ones. Plus they love to complain and share bad stuff instead of focusing on good one and inspire other people. I remember that one shift behind the bar almost a year ago. I already knew we were gonna have a baby, but the idea still hasn't settled in my brain. I felt very hesitant and delusional about it, if you can say so. And that day I met one guy who came to the bar with his friend. He just had a daughter recently, looked very tired and sad. We were talking about parenthood and kids. I didn't tell them I was pregnant though, since no one at work knew yet. He was keeping complaining about how hard it was, how expensive babies are, how his wife had to stay home not working for half a year already. It as like a long discouraging monologue, and then at the end of it he goes, 'Yeah, but I love my daughter, she is awesome'. Honestly, sounded like he wasn't sure about it himself. I remember that conversation left a heavy impression on me. I was keeping asking Mishka my whole pregnancy if we would be okay, if we would love the baby, if we would ever have enough sleep again once he's born, if we would manage to stay happy and not hate our lives. I am sure he had back dark thoughts in his mind too, but he always sounded so sure about us being great parents and making it through the whole newborn journey with happiness. All these other people around were talking wondering if we make enough money, if our house is big enough, if we are ready for it mentally, if we regret that it happened. Many of them were talking again and again about the challenges of being a parent and everything that comes in a a package with it, mostly negative stuff. I remember how I was crying sometimes going through my last weeks of pregnancy. I wasn't sure I would be a good mother, I wasn't sure we would handle all the problems as a family. I as mad at myself for being irresponsible and dumb. I was sure I would stay forever fat with stretched belly, fat legs and saggy boobs. There was so much negativity I was keeping fighting with every day. Staying at home by myself most of the time and dealing with sensitive hormonal self - that was the biggest challenge I faced so far since I got pregnant lol I was so scared of the moment when I would see my baby for the first time. I was so scared of labor, delivery and pain. I was afraid I would hate him after everything I went through.
Well, I am so happy all my fears turned out to be groundless. Sawyer was and still is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, cause we created him! I never wished that he didn't exist. I can't imagine my life without him now. He is my world. I wanna live for him! And honestly, all that little baby needs is just love and care. All these rockers, play mats, play yards, swings, bouncers, toys, cutest outfits - we could easily leave them aside. They are created and pushed by their producers mostly for parents' convenience. When I was little I had a crib, mama's boob and cloth diapers, and somehow I am who I am - a decent human being. I am happy I can provide all this cute stuff for my son, but even if I couldn't I know we would have been fine.
Babies are not expensive! I heard the opposite for people for so many times. If you breastfeed all you have to spend money on is diapers, literally. Or you can even go for cloth ones and wash them as needed to save up even more. The only thing that is making taking care of the baby kind of money consuming is the fact that mom can't work for a while. But even so, if you have husband or loving parents, there's nothing to worry about. Yes, you probably will have to cook at home instead of ordering delivery or going out, but what else would you do sitting at home 24/7. Babies sleep a lot, especially at first, and you will find it surprising how much of free time you actually have. Even if you need to get back to work it's all possible. I work twice a week and we don't have a babysitter. Me, my husband, his mom and brother, and two of my girlfriends do the job pretty well. I even manage to pump once in the middle of my shift. And let me remind you - I am a bartender! So, if I can do it, you can do it. And I was ready to get back to work as early as barely one month after delivery. Only because of my upcoming surgery I had to wait till Sawyer was almost 3 months.
The point is you can always find excuses, for everything - to be fat and not exercise, to stay family and child free, to live in a shell and not ever dream for better and work harder. Life is all about your personal choices. You choose whether to be happy or miserable. I wish you to make only right decisions in 2014!
At some point I remember I was thinking about not having kids ever! Just focus on my career and education. But I am so happy that Sawyer happened in my life! He brought the motivation and inspiration that I was always lacking. There's a lot of stuff I won't do for myself, but for him - I will do anything!!!! I've been so blessed with my husband and my son. He made me a better person. I've never been so positive in my whole life! Being a parent might be tough - sleepless nights, dealing with crying, poopie diapers, colics,TEETHING <something we are going through right now>. I can't leave my house and go out or go shopping whenever I want anymore. But I have someone extremely precious to stay at home for and to take care of.
And here is something that I bet these people who know me couldn't ever see coming - I actually wanna have two more girls now, 3 total. Of course, me and my husband have to work hard at first to make sure we have a big enough house and can provide for a growing family. But just give us a couple years. I want Sophia Michelle to be born in April 2017 and Vivien Olivia to be born at the end of December around Christmas time in 2018-2019. I've whispered Sawyer in the ear today that we will make him a big brother one day. Having my fingers crossed. Just asking God for inspiration and strength for our family to grow and expand!
xoxo
Well, I am so happy all my fears turned out to be groundless. Sawyer was and still is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, cause we created him! I never wished that he didn't exist. I can't imagine my life without him now. He is my world. I wanna live for him! And honestly, all that little baby needs is just love and care. All these rockers, play mats, play yards, swings, bouncers, toys, cutest outfits - we could easily leave them aside. They are created and pushed by their producers mostly for parents' convenience. When I was little I had a crib, mama's boob and cloth diapers, and somehow I am who I am - a decent human being. I am happy I can provide all this cute stuff for my son, but even if I couldn't I know we would have been fine.
Babies are not expensive! I heard the opposite for people for so many times. If you breastfeed all you have to spend money on is diapers, literally. Or you can even go for cloth ones and wash them as needed to save up even more. The only thing that is making taking care of the baby kind of money consuming is the fact that mom can't work for a while. But even so, if you have husband or loving parents, there's nothing to worry about. Yes, you probably will have to cook at home instead of ordering delivery or going out, but what else would you do sitting at home 24/7. Babies sleep a lot, especially at first, and you will find it surprising how much of free time you actually have. Even if you need to get back to work it's all possible. I work twice a week and we don't have a babysitter. Me, my husband, his mom and brother, and two of my girlfriends do the job pretty well. I even manage to pump once in the middle of my shift. And let me remind you - I am a bartender! So, if I can do it, you can do it. And I was ready to get back to work as early as barely one month after delivery. Only because of my upcoming surgery I had to wait till Sawyer was almost 3 months.
The point is you can always find excuses, for everything - to be fat and not exercise, to stay family and child free, to live in a shell and not ever dream for better and work harder. Life is all about your personal choices. You choose whether to be happy or miserable. I wish you to make only right decisions in 2014!
At some point I remember I was thinking about not having kids ever! Just focus on my career and education. But I am so happy that Sawyer happened in my life! He brought the motivation and inspiration that I was always lacking. There's a lot of stuff I won't do for myself, but for him - I will do anything!!!! I've been so blessed with my husband and my son. He made me a better person. I've never been so positive in my whole life! Being a parent might be tough - sleepless nights, dealing with crying, poopie diapers, colics,TEETHING <something we are going through right now>. I can't leave my house and go out or go shopping whenever I want anymore. But I have someone extremely precious to stay at home for and to take care of.
And here is something that I bet these people who know me couldn't ever see coming - I actually wanna have two more girls now, 3 total. Of course, me and my husband have to work hard at first to make sure we have a big enough house and can provide for a growing family. But just give us a couple years. I want Sophia Michelle to be born in April 2017 and Vivien Olivia to be born at the end of December around Christmas time in 2018-2019. I've whispered Sawyer in the ear today that we will make him a big brother one day. Having my fingers crossed. Just asking God for inspiration and strength for our family to grow and expand!
xoxo